The Blog of Sheltron

Before I begin this rant, I want to be clear about something: It’s not just the act of smoking I find revolting, it is the people who smoke that I really hate.

Some may say “they are helpless victims under the spell of a powerful and addictive drug”.

To that I say:

• “Do we all get to make choices in our lives?” Yes.
• “Do we all have the power to change?” Yes.
• “Are we all therefore choosing (through action or inaction) to be smokers or non-smokers?” Yes.

One more thing, I wanted to tell you that it took me a long time to write this headline:

• I started with “12 Reasons I Hate Smoking” but I realised that that headline suggested I was a smoker and I hated the fact I smoked.  I am not.
• I also considered “12 Reasons I Hate Smokers” but even though it’s true, I do actually hate smokers, most of the reasons in my list weren’t about the smokers, they were mostly about the act of smoking.
• I also considered “12 Reasons I Hate Cigarettes” but the word cigarettes is hard to spell. Are there two “g’s” or just one? Two “t’s” or just one?

12 Reasons I Am Anti-Smoking

#1: Smoking Kills Fresh Air

When it’s a beautiful sunny day and I want to go to a cafe and sit outside, I can’t, because smokers are defiling the fresh air.

So I sit just inside the door so at least I can see the sunny day from there, but smoke blows in the open door. grrr

#2 Cigarette Butts Kill Seahorses

Why don’t smokers think that throwing cigarette butts onto the street or into gardens is ok? It’s not ok. It’s littering.

Littering is a crime against the community. Some poor sod will have to pick up a soggy butt that has been in a smokers mouth.

Furthermore, many of those butts flush out to sea, just think of cute little sea horses choking to death on them! Poor little buggers, why should they suffer?

#3 Smoking Employees in Uniform Kills Brands

Employees who loiter around the front door (or back door) of their work place wearing their uniforms sucking in their cheeks and blowing out toxic clouds looks nasty.

And have you seen the tin cans that are often used for collecting cigarette butts but are seldom emptied? And sometimes they get kicked over and the butts spill out everywhere? Gross.

#4 Smoking Kills the Hotness of Smoking Hot Chicks

There’s nothing worse then spotting a smoking hot chick at a distance, taking a moment to have a perve (as you do), and then seeing her bring a cigarette up to her mouth. Yuck.

It just ruins the whole perving experience.

It makes super hot chicks in movies look old. It makes hot chicks look barely better than average. It makes average looking chicks look ugly. It makes ugly chicks look…

Along those lines, I’m sure we all fantasise about kissing hot chicks, but the thought of kissing an ashtray mouth shatters that fantasy.

#5 Smoke Gives Killer Headaches

Perhaps I am more sensitive to smoke than most people because if I am unfortunate to be engulfed in a cloud of smoke I get an instant headache.

#6 Smoking Kills Family Members

Smoking killed my grandmother. She died of breast cancer, which is very close to the lungs so I think her many years of smoking is to blame.

She lived a shorter life on this planet because of smoking. My family would have liked to have her around longer.

#7 Smoking Kills Poor Peoples Financial Priorities

I hate to see people on the unemployment benefit (who get paid with my taxes) buy a $18 packet of cigarettes and then realise after that purchase that they can’t afford bread and milk for their kids for breakfast so the kids either get nothing or get to share $3 worth of hot chips.

#8 Stop Smoking TV Ads Kill The Mood

You’re sitting there enjoying your favourite TV sitcom when the TV ads start with a stop smoking “shock” campaign. Images of diseased lungs and hearts fill the screen. I don’t even smoke and yet these images are in my face. Not fair.

#9 Smoking Breaks Kill Productivity

Have you noticed that smokers take more breaks at work? They are happy to leave us non-smokers to keep working while they go outside for some “fresh air”.

#10 Smoking Kills A Positive Image

A smoker’s clothes stink, their breath stinks, hair, house, car, pets, you name it. And their own sense of smell is so deadened they don’t even realise!

In a job interview situation do you think smelling like smoke decreases your chances of getting hired? I’m sure it does.

Doctors who smoke are the worst. How could you trust a Doctor to look after you when they can’t even look after themselves?

I love meeting new people, but if I catch a whiff that tells me they are a smoker I can’t help but think less of them. I think I perceive them as weak because they are addicted and can’t control themselves. It’s unfair to them, but I can’t help it.

Furthermore, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been asked by a smoker “do you mind if I smoke?” (to which I reply “actually yes, please refrain, thank you”). Why do so few ask this question? Are they so addicted that they can’t be courteous?

#11 Smokers Don’t Care That Smoking is Killing Them

If you give a smoker a list of 100 reasons to quit, present them with irrefutable medical evidence that smoking does indeed kill, impose ever increasing restrictions on where they can smoke, even after all that they keep smoking. That’s just annoying.

#12 The Best Alternatives To Smoking Are Killer Clever

Have you noticed that the most popular “smoking alternatives” contain nicotine and they are therefore just as addictive as smoking?

This is no co-incidence. Why are companies legally allowed to create products that are chemically addictive to their customers?

From a business point of view this is a licence to print money.

Governments not only tolerate these products, they endorse them.